The Remedy for a Chaffed Soul

There are certain people that I just don’t care for.  And I don’t care for them because in the past they have upset me or hurt someone I do care for.  So I just don’t like them.  I didn’t think of them often but when I did, the stomach churning and simmering resentment surged. These people had hurt me or someone I cared for, had bad mouthed someone I love.  And even though that person had long since forgiven the offense, I held it close and kept it in my mind and heart.   Like a secret prize, I protected it, hidden away.
 

And then the light of the Words of God broke through; Mark 11:25 “…and whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive your trespass.”  I fully expected to be forgiven by God for my sins, because He has promised that to us in 1John “…if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 

And even though I knew that harboring unforgiveness was wrong, it did feel justified.  As self appointed protector of those I love, I was not going to put up with any betrayal or bad mouthing.  Even if I could not stop the actions of the others, I could hold them in contempt.  And I did! For years, I harbored the grudges.  Held the feelings close, disliked anything about the people, and did not want to see or interact with them.  Basically slandering them to myself, feeding the feeling of betrayal, I let the anger simmer. 

Like a chaffing of the soul, I stayed irritated with them, there could be no softening.  But the balm of the truth faced me down and showed me the soothing remedy.  Beginning with small prayers, I prayed for these betrayers.  Prayers for God’s blessing on their lives, for His leading and healing for them turned out to be healing for me as well.  And a faithful Father led me to the place to ask forgiveness of Him for keeping their sin alive in my heart, long after He had buried it.  He led me there through the action of forgiving these others for the offense I had held to so tightly.  They never knew, still do not, but I spoke the words of forgiving about them, and so set myself free.

God was not ignoring the sin of the others, and He was not ignoring my attempts to exact justice, a justice that only He is worthy to exact.  Placing the offense to me in His capable hands and emptying my sin stained hands of it was like feeling the relief of ointment on a chapped hand, the soothing of oil, covering the sore spots on my skin.  Giving up to God what is His and ending the self made position of protector of loved ones left me to be healed, to be forgiven, to be free of the weight and the soreness in my soul.

I did not want to be left with unforgiveness; I did not want to miss out on the fullness of what God had for me; I did not want to risk joy for the sake of imagined human retribution.  And in His infinite grace, God led me to that place.